I'd Like To Unknow You

Everyone is pre-occupied with getting to know someone else. I am dedicating this next section to those I would like to unknow. Of course, this is only theoretical, since I can't travel back in time. . . yet. I purchased a time machine yesterday from craig's list that looks promising. These people are not known to you by choice. You only know them through other obligations or friends. So if you can't control who you know, then just deal with it, right? WRONG. Here are a few examples from my list.

• How about the lady whose big screen I repoed three days before the superbowl. Amidst the screams and flying rocks, I barely came out alive and unsoiled. Then a year later, seeing her at my new job, she repeats about 16 times that she knows me from somewhere, but can't quite put her finger on it. Well, lady, keep that finger in its holster because you fall in the "wish I could unknow you" category. I'll never admit to knowing you.
• There's always the childhood 'friend' that you only see long enough for him to remind you of your childhood foibles from which you can never escape. The unfortunate coincidence about this relationship is that you see each other at functions where crowds of people are gathered - apparently to relive your most unglorious moments. To the masses pointing and laughing with him I say "so what if my blue dart lit the rug on fire, it was your dumb idea to play with matches in a trailer!"
• How I wish I had more empathy. The kind-hearted co-worker seems to never run out of stories about her unique birthing experiences; and she's always in the mood to repeat an old one. If I have to hear about her contracting uterus one more time, you'll hear me crying and see me sucking my thumb in the fetal position.
• This one is hard to explain, but we all know the 'close talker' whose breath could tame the fires of Mordor. If I only brought my unbrella . . .I would offer him a mint, but I know it would end up like a lone brave soldier that tried to defeat the nazis with just one bullet. Maybe if it was Rambo it would be possible, but not likely. I can't afford the Rambo mints. Sorry, but you get thrown in the "wish I could unknow you" pile.

Obviously there are many more people I wish I could unknow. The list is long and distinguished. There's always the old person that only kisses on the lips to say hello and goodbye. Then there's the person that overheard you making fun of them in the bathroom stall. Don't forget the clerk from your favorite store that you yelled at for his inconcievable mistake that nearly got him fired when it ended up being your fault. Your choices are to check that store off your list or ascertain his weekly work schedule and go when he's not there. How about the child that innocently explains that 'beat downs' are a regular occurence in their home. Why didn't I have the mute child? Why can't I just go back in time and roll the dice again?

The only other question here is how many people want to 'unknow' me?